Falling

July 7, 2021

A dialogue between the Good Shepherd and I. Words that helped me understand what it looks like to fall into place, not just fall apart. I hope they can find someone else to help. -Samantha

Colossians 1:17

“He is before all things, and in him, all things hold together.”

“He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment.”

Me: I hear you say, “Are things falling apart, or are they falling into place.” 

Shepherd: It’s important for you to understand this. The process of things falling apart. 

Me:What is it then? What is the process? How do I know the difference between falling apart and falling in place?

Shepherd: There isn’t one. They are the same. 

Me: I don’t get that. How are they the same?

Shepherd: Because in order for things to fall into place they must fall apart. 

Me: That's the only way?

Shepherd: That's the best way.

Me: Why is it so tragic when things fall apart then? 

Shepherd: Because they mean a lot to you. They were your “things” and you wanted them to work a certain way. 

Me: And I get frustrated when they don’t fall where I want them. 

Shepherd: I think you get frustrated when they fall where you didn’t expect them. I think you know deep down that where you want them to fall is where I want them to. Wherever it may be. 

Me: I always want what you want. And I trust you, I trust you the most, and I pray that I would have eyes that seek to trust you more in all things, and a heart that trusts boldly. Is it bad to be frustrated?

Shepherd: Is it bad to fight the world when you’re thinking too closely with it?

Me: Is that what I’m doing?

Shepherd: That's what frustration sparks. It’s the flint that starts the flame and causes a fire. A fire that consumes. 

Me: What does it consume?

Shepherd: Your idea of the “perfect place” for your things to fall.

Me: I hate that I have to fight perfection. 

Shepherd: Better you let the fire consume it then let it consume you. 

Me: I surrender my idea of perfection to you. 

Shepherd: Please don't worry, you know this way is the best. 

Me: I know, I think that’s why it’s hard. Because I know and I still need to be reminded everyday of your trust.

Shepherd: It’s better that you would be reminded than to fall with those things. 

Me: Have I not fallen with them? I feel like I fall every day. 

Shepherd: You fall, but not in the way you think.

Me: Then how? How do I fall?

Shepherd: You fall where I want you to. You fall in the space I have prepared for you.

Me: Where is that? 

Shepherd: In my hand. Sometimes you fall in the wrinkles of my palm and they feel deeper than other times. But know where you fall is where I want you to be, right where I am. 

Me: You are a good shepherd to catch me. You’re my catcher. 

Shepherd: I love this name you’ve given me. Let it be your lens this week, it will help you to trust me. 

Me: Thank you father. Thank you for catching all things. 

Shepherd: It is my delight to catch you, and them.